One of the hardest things is being a disciple AND a missionary. As I learn and read more about Paul’s life and the calling to disciple people in prison as well as travel from place to place to plant churches and making sure everything is running smoothly, I admit, it’s scary and has to be overwhelming. Is this the life I want to continuously lead? Am I willing to give up everything to pursue God and bring His Kingdom to earth, a place where many people don’t know Him or are lacking anyone to help them? What is my responsibility on earth? I don’t mean my purpose but my responsibility in God’s Kingdom?
I have been with this guy for about eight months, it’s been a true blessing, even though we are no longer together, I still believe it was a blessing. He encouraged me, challenged me but also prepared me in ways I wasn’t expecting to be this year. More importantly, my pursuit with God. Being in a relationship challenged me to take my walk with God more seriously. I’m a dreamer, I love to share my dreams. Even my wildest, craziest dreams, like being chased by zombies.
I dream of settling down someday. Having a family, a home where I can feel rooted. I haven’t lived in one place for more than five years. Because of this, I know my home here on earth is temporary. So, while I am on earth, my responsibility is to find people who can emerge in His Kingdom. Doing this can enable us to support each other in very difficult and challenging seasons of our lives. Which can draw out the beauty of God. This is why I pray for marriage, to find someone who wants to pursue God the same way. Not just go to church on Sundays and feel content and spend the rest of the week just knowing God exists. I want to know God in a way no one is willing to understand and share it with someone. God showed me Prov. 2:1-5, which goes into Prov. 3:5 in not being to fully understand God, but what God desires of us. I dared to step over the line, hearing His calling to enter a place like Gallaudet University, where God is but not seen or experienced.
My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
2 making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
3 yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
4 if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.
I don’t just want or be a disciple or missionary. I want to pray through everything, dream the dreams God gives and have one of the most intimate relationship. Basically, I want to be a daughter of God who longs for others to know Him. Now that’s a radical dream.