Broken about the creation of life

baby selah at 23 weeks

Why should babies or even life be a political agenda? Why should I be called pro-life or pro-choice?

The truth is… I love life. I love the fact that my daughter is growing in my womb. I love feeling her move and I get nervous when she’s quiet all day. Sometimes I poke my stomach just to make sure she’s alive in there. It’s not just fun but she’s a miracle.

At around six weeks, I went to a clinic to confirm I was pregnant. As soon as the physician sat down with me and told me. She expressed her concern and asked if I was ok with being pregnant and how I felt. I wasn’t struggling to get pregnant or anything, but I was over the moon excited. She then began in explain how women come into the clinic often wishing they weren’t pregnant. That they didn’t have to worry about raising a child. The idea of being excited with a mom who wasn’t, leaves the clinic hesitant until they know for sure the mom is ok with continuing the pregnancy.

I left in pieces. There are women out there who don’t want to have children and leave devastated when they find out they are pregnant. Not only that, but the clinic allows our society to sulk in this way. Having a child is a huge responsibility but it’s a blessing.

A few weeks ago, I had an ultrasound to make sure the baby was growing healthy and we were able to find out if we were having a girl or boy. My husband and I were both excited. But the doctor sat us down and informed us her heart has calcification which could be a marker for Down Syndrome or future heart defects. She then proceeded to encourage us to do genetic counseling, only to make sure we were okay with the idea of continuing with the birth of our baby girl. Many parents find out there is a small issue with the baby and that it would be best not to continue the pregnancy, we were told.

Again, I left not only broken in pieces but I became a little bit angry. Angry that she would even suggest terminating life where I’ve seen the heartbeat. I’ve seen a moving picture on a screen and even have little snapshots of our daughter that I proudly hang on my living room wall. I left in pieces once again as I think about all the problems my daughter might have, but was she worth eliminating from our life because of a little problem?

I questioned: how is it that doctors walk around thinking it’s ok to encourage the elimination of life before before allowing the parents to process? Because the law gives us a limitation as to how much time before we can stop the pregnancy?

I haven’t officially met my daughter as I’m only 25 weeks in but already there is this unspeakable bond I cannot break since the moment I saw the lines appear on the pregnancy tests I took at home.

But what this blog post is not: I’m not pro-life nor am I pro-choice. What I am is… brokenhearted about this issue. I didn’t feel like I could completely celebrate my daughter’s life the first few weeks because I couldn’t understand how society has even allowed women to consider abortion when there are alternative options out there.

The fight isn’t about murdering an unborn child, or judging the doctors. It’s about the broken system that’s left in pieces because it’s come to the conclusion on how we see life.

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