Category: Love

How romantic films distort real love

engagement photo3

I’ve watched a few romantic films over the years and found myself that I prefer horror films just because they are funny.

As a woman, I began to question society and their worldview on romance. Do I long to get married in the future and to have children? More than I can imagine. But what I think people don’t really pay attention to is how much relationships really take work. I recently became engaged, and while the excitement is still there in the midst of crazy wedding planning. I’ve found myself wondering… do romantic movies remove original design for love?

Often movies are filled with a desire to fill an empty void. Something missing in our lives. But the more I learn to depend on God, the more I learn that the only way to fill the missing void, is to seek the Lord with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind. God isn’t whimsical and neither is earthly love.

Love is not a feeling or a perception but a way one may express themselves to others. Love is not easily expressed and is often superficial. The greatest love shown to man is when Jesus took himself on the cross.

But today’s films distort what love should look like between a husband and wife. But to be honest, it also shows just how human we are today. We fail, again and again. We cheat, we lie, we lust and kill. Satan’s only job? To destroy and kill. As a woman, I have no desire to watch films or television shows where marriages are ending rather than be worth fighting for. To see men courting women rather than lusting after them. To see woman seek men who truly honor women in their lives and seek the Lord with all their hearts.

As a soon to be Mrs. Smith… what do I seek in my future husband or what do I hope he seeks in me.

1) To love and to honor God
2) Willingness to seek wisdom and guidance from God and not the world in his decision for his family
3) Has a strong community to hold himself accountable
4) To love and honor the people in his/her life
5) Trust the Holy Spirit
6) Never cease praying
7) Have a quick and forgiving heart (marriage will not work out if no one forgives)
8) Be okay with setting boundaries
9) Communication

I don’t know about you, but the things on my list are things not often shown in romantic films. Recently, I went to see Old Fashioned and it is now one of my favorite romantic films. It felt real and true. I felt respected, honored and loved through the film and my expectations for my relationship began to change. I got rid of many of the lies I’ve always believed about myself and held on to the truth that God speaks in our lives. As humans, we are not perfect and we definitely don’t deserve a lot of things. But because of grace, we’ve been given infinite love. Who says we cannot also experience some of that infinite love through earthly relationships?

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A letter to insecurity

Dear insecurity,

It’s been a rough day, I’ve been going back and forth with you about all these silly things that I know won’t matter tomorrow. I’m probably making myself paranoid and having these lame and unnecessary conversations in my head. There are so many lies going through my mind, I’m not sure which ones to filter out or perhaps I need to take a step further in analyzing in why I think this way. I try to picture myself with Jesus in those moments of when I began to first feel those things or receive those lies or make destructive vows over my life.

Let me put it this way, I really despise you because I know you are not of who I am suppose to be. Instead, I’m made into a person with the assumption that I could do more, be more and maybe…. just maybe lesser than what I should be. I’m not sure what this looks like in its entirely. Could I do more? Why are they so much better than me? Why do I feel like I’m not good enough no matter what I do? How can I be more pretty? Fix my crooked nose? Why am I always accused of faking my deafness or called a hypocrite instead of respected. Why I’m I never deaf enough according to some cultural standards despite my revolting experiences of discrimination and bullying?  So many words flood through my mind of ALL of my insecurities.

But Abba says… “your insecurities are not of you. You are already perfect for I made you in my image. You were already adopted into my kingdom before I even made you in your mother’s womb. I gave you a heart full of dreams and passions and your desires are what drive you to building my Kingdom at best. I asked you to stand on your feet and shout my name for your heart is far more important than the languages you speak or the culture you’ve inherited. For my Kingdom is greater and far more advance than what’s been built since the fall of the Babel. Since Adam and Eve made a decision in which affected mankind, insecurities will always remain but it doesn’t make them anymore truer than the truth my Words proclaim. Anyone who claims to tell you otherwise, needs their own heart check as well. Don’t forget the beauty of your heartbeat because it beats with Me, my love.”

“Abba, I cry out to You like a small child, clinging to hope and desperation, for you are the anchor of my soul who knows every little detail including all the hairs on my head. For I shouldn’t worry about what other people think but embrace what I see in the mirror and not forget for Your beauty is within me. Thank You Abba, for the life you’ve given and enabling me to be a part of your Kingdom. For I have no fear as you walk with me and my love for you as my Father grows fonder and intimate than anything else for nothing can satisfy my soul except You.”

For my beloved calls me His daughter, with all His loving kindness, I no longer need to heed to the pointless and exhausting conversations in my head and my heart and my spirit is finally still.

Blink of an eye: a new generation

DSC_0421Seems like forever since I last wrote, I was actually surprised how many people don’t have internet or wifi in their home as I discovered while traveling cross country this summer. The writer in me was getting a little creative after spending a lot of time talking to myself. Now that I’m back in D.C., I’m ready for another round of craziness (after a two week break). But first, I can’t go without sharing what’s been happening in the last two months about the B.E. and what God has been showing me about our generation. 

Before I left for the B.E. tour, I honestly tried to not set myself for high expectations. One of my greatest strength and weakest. I was at at least expecting to see God do amazing things and truth is, because of this, the trip was beyond my expectations and sometimes God surprised me. After 20+ performances for our hour-long drama, I saw God moving. Sometimes I was never sure. In some locations we stopped and performed at, people would laugh deliriously and I could hear it from behind the backdrop curtains. Other times, it was completely silent and once in awhile, I might hear a stifled laugh. I was never sure but I certainly hoped people were gaining insight through what God wanted to share with them.

I didn’t join this trip because I wanted to gain something amazing from this summer (I knew that would happen), but I went on the trip because I wanted to see God move. I wanted to see partnership within the deaf and hearing community and become a witness to something in our generation that I often feel is missing: hunger. Instead I see too many people focusing on the emptiness. As someone who knows what it’s like to grow up in the fatherless generation, emptiness and uncontentment which is sometimes all I see and feel. What our generation is lacking is hunger for the father. It’s almost normal to not have a father involved in people’s lives.

A few days ago, I read to To Own a Dragon by Donald Miller and it hit me, we not only live in a fatherless generation but we also don’t know what it’s like to be ‘Fathered.’ This is something I’m grasping on a personal level as God has been revealing Himself to me this year that He is my Father. But I’m still learning what it means to let Him father me in my life. But what does this mean for my generation who is searching high and low for a father’s love? 

At the end of most performances, there would be fellowship. We all had an opportunity to hear what God did in people’ hearts. For many, they were hit about their original identity and for some, they talked about what was missing in their lives. They were beginning to feel hunger pangs for something more than what they’ve been taught. 

My ongoing prayer:

Father, no matter what our generation looks like or is lacking, I pray You will be the one to not only fulfill their needs, but also show them more of who You are. Using the smallest part of their everyday lives. The next generation may suffer just as much, but at least they would know something is out there that is greater than what they world offers. I’m not afraid of what our generation is going through, but I’m afraid the hunger pangs will be satisfied by what they world may offer but it will never be enough or eternal. I long for people to be hunger for your everlasting love, especially from my generation where the fatherless are struggling to know You. Bring back the original meaning of marriage and families and teach us how to love as you love. This is a generation that is going to fight for what they know is rightfully theirs and won’t have to wait until heaven to receive it or realize they miss out on a beautiful journey on the other end. You know no bounds, yet gave your life for us.

Fill us with your love, in Jesus’ name.

Beautiful Mess

daughter-dancing-fathers-feetI love the idea of dancing on Abba’s feet. I love the idea of waltzing across the dance room. I used to immerse myself in my school and work and was always busy. It was my escape, my only way to avoid confronting my problems which were real, but wasn’t a realistic way to deal with them. But recently, I’ve been learning how to confront my issues and working through them. Learning how to apologize and times to thankful. I’m learning when to be joyful (or have the funny bug) and times to grieve. I’m learning to dance with Abba, in all the walks of life. He embraces me intimately through the good and bad and I just want to fall in love with Him.

Since I’ve become an independent missionary and then joining Youth With  A Mission, I’ve had to learn a lot along the way. I’m just wrapping up a season of discovering my voice and learning how to use it. Now I’m finally embracing it (still learning) but making it a healthy lifestyle to express my true feelings. For both the broken world and with God. I am now entering a season of reconciliation. Healing my heart through using my voice and healing my relationships. I know there will be bumps in the road but I also know, the reconciliation will only bring glory to God. I’m not just fighting for my kingdom but my birthright. God made us, and because of Adam and Eve, we’ve become a beautiful mess.

With God, anything is possible.